Stopping Power

By George Triplett
 

Our brake pads are good. You ain't even gonna believe it. (spit) Let’s see what happens when you’re driving with our competitor's brake pads. You’re driving along la-de-da and all of a sudden your kids are yellin from the back seat, “daddy, I gotta go potty” you’re yellin “not now damn it!” There’s a truck tire in the middle of the road. You’re yelling I can’t stop. Help, there’s a cliff and you’re kids are screamin “Daddy I’m burnin and can’t feel my legs!” You look over and your wife is on fire. She’s already dead. You look in the rearview mirror and see the trunk lid pop open and your kids heads are bouncing around. One of them’s eyeball pops out and you try to catch it, but you can’t because it’s too slippery. You finally hit the bottom of the cliff you look down and there’s a mountain lion gnawing on your leg. The patty wagon shows up and the new guy is puking all over your dead wife and putting out some of the fire. He had beans and weennies for lunch. That rabbit you hit on the way down caught fire and set off the sagebrush. He’s puking up the grass he had for lunch. That’s all he eats. He’ll neer be able to eat that again. Now the forest service has to send out a tanker truck to put out the fire you started all because you want to save a few pennies on a set of brake pads. (spit) Any questions?