Today's the Day

By Danielle Argroys
 

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Today’s the day Tabitha, you are gonna brush your teeth, get dressed, walk up to Brad’s cubicle, deliver his morning coffee and say: "Hey Brad, I brought your favorite coffee with a wide selection of sweeteners: Stevia, Equal, or raw!" NO, Tabatha! Don’t give him options, make a choice, you are the choice!!!

 

(Smells her underarms..gross) We got to fix that.

 

Hey, Brad, I brought your favorite coffee from your favorite coffee shop and I was hoping maybe we could go out tonight and after our candlelit dinner, you could cradle my body as we lie naked on my bed.

 

No Tabatha don’t freak the shit out of Brad. He’ll never want to go out with you... be cool, be sexy... and do not look at his package while speaking to him even if it does have the perfect amount of bulge. You can do this Tabatha. You are going to make hot sweaty bedroom moments with Brad. Maybe I’ll ask him next week. Yeah.. next week.